Instability.

But how did you know?

Being the indecisive person that I am, I have three choices:

The Great Gatsby, by F. Scott Fitzgerald,and That Was Then, This Is Now, by S.E. Hinton.

I fell in love with The Great Gatsby because it told the tale of a man’s everlasting hope in love.  And of course, it ends with his inevitable death.

The Outsiders was my first look into a book that was.. relatable.  I read the book in the fourth grade, and it was the first book that I thought could actually be applicable and also described a similar age group. ish.  That Was Then, This Is Now, also conveyed that feeling; but a four-year-older me was able to better grasp the sad truths of life and reality that lingered in its pages.

I’ve never felt like crying nor have I cried at school.

Somewhere far along this road, he lost his soul

To a woman so heartless.

We are who we were when, could’ve been lovers but at least you’re still my day late friend.

Well..since this is about a specific day, the best dance I’ve ever attended was junior year last chance.  Yeah, I haven’t attended many dances.  Even though it was a stag dance, I had a date set up with the girl I was in love with at the time, Monica Pantaleon.  I think I wore a dress shirt for some odd reason, I don’t really remember why.  It was my first stag dance while attending Troy.  The vibe was great, the partner was just right, and the music was loud enough.

Afterwards, we all headed over to Brian’s house for a late night swim.

Seems like ages ago.

Simpler times.

Woo-hoo, a full hour and 25 minutes early.

My favorite teacher would have to be my sixth grade teacher, Mr. Calabria. I used to see him all the time up until junior high because he used to tutor my sister in math.  He always pushed me to strive harder and to attain things that he knew I was capable of.  Of course, having the personality of an immature child, he was always fun to be around as well.  I guess the biggest thing I’ve learned from him is to never lose the feeling of happiness and enjoyment.

My only regret is letting him down, and not meeting up with where I should be.

Whoop-dee-doo.  Late again.

The most trouble I’ve ever gotten into would be the time I received an in-house suspension.  Let’s just say..I missed a lot of school and “have a problem with authority.”

Pardon the curtness.

Let’s pretend I posted this 20 minutes ago.

Homecoming. A song by Kanye West featuring the delightful vocals of Chris Martin. A good song, but not my favorite.
I’ve never gone to homecoming in my life, therefore I can’t adequately answer this question. My sincerest apologies.

And not a tear was shed.

It’s almost 12 o’clock.

My first memory of high school was freshman year health. I remember that on the first day, I got lost. I couldn’t find room 527(? it was Flavell’s room I know that) and I ended up finding it after the bell rang. Late on the first day…what a great start.

Strangely, the only person I knew in that class was my very own sister, who I sat as far away as possible from. The one person who stood out the most to me, however, was Murdoc Hardy, because he had a gun..I think…some kind of design artwork piece thing or other. Sorry the memory’s kind of fuzzy. Among him, the others in that classroom were Roel Tupas, Angel Lim, Vincent Merida, Austin White, Ivan Wang, Paula Chan, Emeel (sorry not sure how to spell it), and..I think that’s it.

I remember the hot(temperature) presentations in the north gym with other classmates who I actually knew, the usually laughs and giggles that come along with immature minds, talks about guitar during class, and seeing with my eyes one of the most beautiful girls who’s taken my breath away.

Fuck.

I could’ve sworn the first one one was the first memory of high school..

Goddammit. Brb.

And time to actually write.

I can’t remember my first thoughts on going to college so I’ll just describe as far back as I can remember.

At first, I didn’t even think I was going to college.  I fucked up most of my high school career.  My grades were completely shot, and I was going into my senior year with a 1.70 gpa for the semester.  Things weren’t looking good for me.  With my terrible track record, college was the last thing on my mind.  I had already accepted attending a community college.

And then, that November, one of my friends convinced me to apply for college.  Not expecting to get anywhere, a very ignorant 16-year-old me asked around until I managed to grasp a better handle on the college process, and proceeded to apply to 4 Cal States and 4 UC’s, mainly because they were free.

To my surprise, I got in.  To 6 out of 8 to be exact.

I feel as if I’d strayed from the topic a little too much so I’ll get back on track.

Personally, I think I’m seeing college as an escape.  I don’t want to call it a second chance because I’m not really the type who believes in that sort of concept.  I guess I’m seeing it more as a vacation.  A chance to get away from all the troubles that are currently occupying my life.  Time to enjoy the pleasures of life, in a location that’s far enough from others, but close enough to come back when needed.  And who knows.  Maybe I’ll finally find myself along the way.

kheristin:

1. First thoughts on going to college
2. First memory of high school
3. Homecoming- what it meant to you and your memories of it
4. The most trouble you’ve ever gotten into
5. Your favorite teacher and how he/she has impacted you
6. The best dance you ever attended (pick a specific day, not just ex. “sadies is my favorite dance”)
7. A time you cried (or felt like crying) at school
8. Favorite book you actually read for English class
9. Most fun class
10. Something you never expected you’d do and ended up loving
11. How you spent your most memorable lunch hangout
12. Hardest you ever legitimately studied
13. Favorite group project
14. The teacher you hated the most 
15. Four favorite pictures that represents each of your four years the best and why/how
16. Most surprising friend
17. Oldest friend who you’ve kept
18. A memorable job, summer camp, or internship
19. Biggest regret
20. Favorite place to be on campus
21. A song that brings back nostalgia, and why
22. Your thoughts on your romantic life in high school
23. Upperclassmen who affected you
24. Underclassmen who you’ll miss
25. What you’ll miss the least
26. A memorable, spontaneous hang out
27. A word of advice to your younger self/underclassmen
28. Letter to your parents
29. What you’ll miss the most
30. Final word- Your “thank you“‘s, “good-byes”, and final reflection

30 days til Christmas and all I know is I’m not quite ready to let go of this past year.  I have so much to show.

Jkay it’s not Christmas time.  But 30 days until graduation.  So now seems as good as a time as any to start writing I suppose.

I almost forgot.

This is why I don’t rely on others.  You can only trust yourself.

You’ve come a long ways from the state of mind you were in two weeks ago.

I’m proud of you.

It’s not even past 12, and I find myself losing consciousness.  Work and writing can wait until the morning.  The allure of body heat has never been greater.  Sweet dreams.

Best Wishes,

Ryan Nam.